Wealth and Pride

Customs differ between races. Each country, region or religion has its own beliefs, rituals and tradition. Very few elements are exactly the same though some similarities can be found.

No matter where you go in the world you are bound to find some Chinese people. This is mainly due to the fact that they are a people raised to trade. They are merchants to the core. They go where opportunity leads them and their marriages are often arranged with this still in mind - opportunities both socially as well as monetarily.

Marriages to the Chinese have traditionally been a matter of advancing one’s wealth and social standing. In the olden days a matchmaker would be consulted to see who would be best suited to bring greater honor to the family. If you’ve watched Mulan, the matchmaker scene isn’t too far off.

Some marriages are arranged from the cradle between families of long standing association. The children are indeed as good as married from the time they are born with very rare chances of the betrothal being broken since this would mean losing face. This aspect is no longer as common though they still do happen.

No engagement will take place without the approval of the parents. Doing so, without the expressed permission, can mean becoming disinherited, in some cases being disowned - though the later is rare nowadays. Definitely though, a couple getting married without the parent’s blessings will have to struggle on their own unless they are able to somehow get back into their good graces - which is rarely heard of.

The groom’s family is responsible for shouldering all the costs of the wedding. It is meant to be as lavish an affair as they can hold. It is a way of showing their wealth, power and social standing in the community. No expense is spared because it is a matter of honor. One does not want to lose face by giving a paltry event.

Even the selection of sponsors is done carefully. Unlike most countries where the sponsors are nothing more than witnesses or simply close relatives or friends, the sponsors in a Chinese wedding are a matter of pride. They are chosen based not only on relationships by blood or friendship. They are chosen by ties of business. They are chosen based on who can give increased standing to the couple.

The gift giving in a Chinese wedding is rarely in kind. It is usually a cash gift handed to the parents of the bride or the groom - depending on which side they are related. In fact it is a matter of face for guests to give big amounts of cash - representative of the strength of their relationship to the couple and their family. The sponsors in fact give amounts running from the tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands. In a way it is a competition among them to see who can give the most. It is all voluntary and not coerced by the couple or their family. Though a certain amount of teasing and one upmanship does indeed play a part in the process. It is a way to help the couple, and their family, recover from the expenses of the wedding.

If you are attending a Chinese wedding but are not of Chinese descent you are not expected to give a cash gift. It is understood that you do not know the customs. They are a complex people where weddings are a matter of honor, pride and wealth. It takes a lifetime to learn them all.

[tags] wedding, ritual,customs,Chinese,money,engagement,betrothal [/tags]