How Many Times Do You Say I do?

You’re American, she’s Chinese. You’re Jewish, she’s Buddhist. Yet, in spite of your differences, you’ve decided to make it official and get married. So, how do you arrange the ceremony with such obviously different cultures and religions?

Some couples opt for one of them to convert to the same faith, and follow that religion’s rites. Others will try to combine elements of both (a really tough thing to do). The by far easiest solution is to simply have multiple weddings?

Multiple weddings simply means, getting married more than once. It’s a compromise especially when both sides of the family insist on your following tradition - their tradition. Still the compromise isn’t that bad.

Contrary to what you may think, having multiple marriages does not necessarily mean a drastically more expensive wedding budget. You can actually save on some costs, like the marriage license - you don’t need three, just the one. After the first ceremony, you’re already married.

An option is to get the legal aspect out of the way first, and have the civil ceremony. This is normally officiated by a judge in the city of your residence. All you really need are the license, rings, the clothes you want to wear (gown not necessary here) and any witnesses from among your friends you want.

With that done, the ceremony of either faith becomes an affirmation of your vows, according to your chosen customs and beliefs. Which will come first, the Jewish or Buddhist ceremony, is something that you will need to sit down and work out together, and maybe with your rabbi or master.

Don’t forget to have a celebration of your union. Doesn’t need to be an elaborate affair but it is still your first affair as a couple. Have a blast and enjoy being together.

What Do I Wear To the Wedding?

You opened your mail box and out fell a beautiful, cream colored envelope. Long before you open it, you know that one of your friends is getting married. You are so happy for her! You immediately contact the number indicated on the RSVP and confirm that you are definitely attending her wedding. Being women, the next question is, “What shall I wear to her wedding?”

Now ladies, everyone wants to look their best at a major event, such as this. If you’re single and open to the dating public, you know that you are on display. Weddings are a perfect opportunity to find romance (just don’t start assuming the first guy you meet at the wedding is walking down the aisle with you).

It is a courtesy to let the bride have all the glory on her wedding day, so please don’t steal her thunder. Dress to look good without piling on the rocks or being too provocative. The hunting ground may be in the open but you don’t want to scare off the pray… I mean the other guests.

You may want to check the invitation before going out and buying a dress for the wedding so that you don’t go overdressed or look out of place. For example, if the time indicated is for 7pm at the Ballroom of the Ritz, then you definitely need to wear a gown. The very name of the place speaks of elegance and black ties. It will definitely be a night to feel like a star.

If you’re not sure of what color to wear, check the invitation. Usually, the card is in the colors of the theme or may have ribbons to indicate it. If you can’t tell from the card, ask when you call the bride. It will make it easier for you to blend in. Generally though, as long as you don’t wear black or overexpose too much skin, you’ll do fine.

Where Did All the Money Go?

You are almost there. Your special day is coming up and of course you need to do a little accounting. Otherwise you end up asking, where did all the money go?

Generally, no matter what country you live in, the biggest expense is the reception. It normally accounts for about 48% of your total expenses. Let’s face it you are feeding a lot of people. The event is being catered by a chef and you are also paying for the cost of the people serving behind the bar and waiting on the tables. Not to mention that you’re having a multi-course meal. This can really raise the costs.

The next in rank is the cost of your photos and video. A really good, professional photographer is expensive. They are well paid because of their skill. After all they are trying to capture a once in a lifetime event in a way that looks alive long after your nuptials are over.

Then comes the cost of your gown. It is usually a dress that you will only wear once but it is made from costly materials and is usually, at some point handcrafted. It usually comes up to about 10% of the total expense for your wedding.

The flowers and decor takes about 8% of the bill as does the music and entertainment. The skills of the artisans behind these wedding necessities are invaluable.

The remainder of your bill is split between the cost of your wedding rings, transportation, the invitations and the actual ceremony in varying amounts. Let’s not forget the taxes you may have had to pay as well as your bride and groom gifts. This accounts for about 19% of the bill.

The funny thing is, no matter what the size of your budget, you will normally find that these figures are close.

Weddings the Second Time Around

Love is lovelier the second time around…so the saying goes. It is always a special joy to find someone special but after you’ve become a statistic, it is especially thrilling. Let’s face it, finding someone who can handle the emotional baggage that comes from being a divorcee, and in some cases possibly becoming an instant parent, is not easy.

For those who have chosen to take the plunge a second time here are some advantages that you may not have realized you have:

• You do not have to wear an elaborate gown to your wedding. You can now wear a simpler gown without all the flounces and gewgaws used for young girls’ nuptials.
• You are not expected to wear white as you walk down the aisle. You can get married in almost any color you want. Of course, there is a preference for the pale shades (getting married in black is still discouraged). Still, no one will look askance if you decide to get married in champagne colored silk or a gorgeous bronze gown that you adored on sight.
• You are not expected to have a big elaborate wedding. You already had the big bash the first time around. Since you are paying for this yourselves, you can indulge in just having an intimate wedding. As we all know, in the reality of life, it is better to have your nearest and dearest present rather than all the people that you “must have present” but whose name you can’t remember in just five years.

Of course, do keep in mind that while it is your second nuptials, it may be your fiance/e’s first wedding. You may want to give them the lead since they may have wedding dream plans of their own (just as long as you are clear on the budget). You can be the guide since you’ve done this before and just help to make your event even more special.

Being The Best Man

Most people assume that the only task of the best man is just to hand the ring to the groom and then give a speech at the reception. This is just the tip of the iceberg! The best man is an important part of the wedding.

Just like his counterpart, the maid of honor, the best man is not just a sibling of the groom. He is the best friend of the groom. He is the one that the groom feels has been with him through thick and thin and is the person he can most rely on.

The best man is supposed to be closely involved in the groom’s efforts to get ready for his nuptials. This includes helping the groom as he runs around town looking for the best place to have their wedding night (if he and his bride didn’t make prior arrangements), helping with getting the license, helping the groom overcome the jitters (yes, they do get them!) and if necessary, driving around on the groom’s behalf to help complete errands including helping him get the ring made.

Let’s not forget the bachelor or stag party. Yes, the best man is responsible for gathering all the grooms male friends and relatives and giving him the chance to enjoy their company on his last event as a single male. His job is to make absolutely sure that the groom is really sure that getting married is what he truly wants to do and that he is ready for the commitment he is about to make.

No matter when he has the party and no matter what time it ends, he has to ensure to get the groom to the church on time. Heaven forbid that he stands up the bride at the altar because he was too drunk to wake up for the wedding. He is also responsible for ensuring that the groom’s suit is ready when he needs it and that all the accessories are in place, like the buttonierre and tie.

Let’s not forget the getaway car. He has to ensure that the just married sign is in place with the noisemakers at the rear of the car. Of course, it’s best if the car is in working order when the couple gets to it.

So, here’s to the best man. He’ll be just as busy as the groom but won’t be getting hitched on the day. It’s just a dress rehearsal for him.

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