A Tradition Worth Keeping

So many things about weddings have become traditions. We follow them because…well, that’s how weddings that we’ve seen growing up have been done. Question is: do these traditions really contribute to the ultimate wedding or are they nothing more than superstitions? Are they nothing more than outdated habits?

Here is one tradition that still has merit. On the day of the wedding, the bride is asked to wear or carry something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. This tradition is a simple process and a sweet way for the women of the brides’ family, particularly the brides’ mom, to acknowledge the changing status of the bride and to show their love and support. This is actually good for helping to calm those wedding jitters.

Usually the “something old” takes the form of some personal items given from mother to daughter, sometimes as accessories that the bride is to wear on the day such as a necklace or earrings. The “something new” stands for the new family that is about to be formed, and bracelets are a common choice for this. The “something borrowed” is supposed to come from a happily married women. By lending the bride something to use on her wedding day, they also lend some of their married bliss to carry into their new family. Last, but not least, is the “something blue”. The color is associated with purity and modesty. While the color is pretty, it doesn’t quite go with all the white. Perfect solution: it is common nowadays to have a blue and white garter.

Now isn’t that a tradition worth keeping when you tie the knot?

Preserve your Wedding Memories

It’s the most important day of your life: don’t let the memories disappear. Even the whole process of planning a wedding will bring a smile to your face years down the road, as you recall the madness of picking a motif and how something as simple as whether to order a rum or buttercream cake would keep you up at night.

So how do you preserve these moments, despite the crazy schedules, the general anxiety, where every day becomes a blur of talking to wedding suppliers and fitting the dress?”

First, keep a diary or a blog. Promise that you’ll write even just 10 sentences a day, about what you did, what you chose, what you hated on sight. If you’re not in the mood to wax poetic, even jotting down a list will preserve some of the day-to-day memories. “1. Had lunch with my bridesmaid 2. went to the salon to try out another hairstyle. I looked li.” You get the picture.

Consider buying a scrapbook where you can stick on swatches, receipts, photos from your makeup trials, cards. If you don’t consider yourself a “crafts” person, many scrapbook stores sell kits that pretty much make it as easy as “pick-and-stick”.

Make a time capsule for your future kids. Put in pictures of you and your fiance, a few love letters, a letter to them, and a letter to each other which you’ll agree to open on your 10th wedding anniversary.

Dealing with the Wedding Jitters

All grooms go through it: the anxiety, the fear, the waves of nausea as you think, “Do I really, really know what I’m getting into?”

Getting cold feet doesn’t necessatily mean you’re not 100% in love with your bride-to-be. It’s a normal response to the realization that you’re about to go through a major life change. Some men worry that they won’t be able to support a family; others look at the responsibilities ahead and wonder if that means they’ll never be able to hang out with the gang. But most of them say, after the wedding and even well into their marriage, “It’s not as bad as you imagine it to be.” Those responsibilites? You share them. That’s what being a couple is about. And you’ll still be able to see your friends. You’re getting married, not getting locked in a prison.

The most important thing you need to do is to put things into perspective. Talk about your fears with your fiance, if you have to, but a lot of it is about affirming how much you love your fiance, and why you proposed to her in the first place.

Maybe it’s time you scheduled some “couple time” together — a romantic getaway. You’ll be able to emotionally reconnect again (you may have been distracted by the many details of planning a wedding). It will also let you de-stress. Those panic attacks you get in the middle of the night have also been triggered by the demands of negotiating with suppliers, fleshing out the guest list, deciding whether or not you’ll get a string quartet or a soloist. Take a break from it all, and let yourself fall in love all over again. That’s what the wedding is about, after all.

Things to Consider When Choosing Flowers

No wedding is complete without flowers: bright, beautiful blooms that symbolize the Spring of your new life together. Now here comes the big decision: what kind of flowers do you use? And how much can you afford to spend on them? Here are some things to consider while planning your flower arrangements:

Durability. You don’t want wilted flowers, do you? Consider the weather and temperature conditions. For example, fragile flowers won’t do well in the heat of summer, or will rumple in the strong breeze of a seaside ceremony and reception. Delicate blooms include gardenias, tulips, wild flowers, and lily of the valley.

Your motif. Choose flowers that match the theme and color scheme of your wedding. Give your florist a swatch from the cloth used for the dresses of your entourage, and inform her whether the wedding will be during the day or the night (it affects how formal the bouquets should be). You should also consider the venue itself: is it indoors or outdoors, casual or elegant? You should even look at the colors of the walls and curtains!

Creativity. Roses and carnations are practically wedding staples, which isn’t a bad thing. But for a unique look, consider mixing them with other blooms, or asking for a particularly unique flower arrangement or bouquet style. Some florists will incorporate crystals, sinamay cloth, ribbons or lace.

Meaning. Some flowers are known to symbolize certain things. For example, tulips mean passion and gardenias mean joy, and orange blossoms mean purity. While this doesn’t have to influence your choice, some like to create a “poem bouquet” where flowers are selected to tell the story of their relationship.

Dealing with the Pressure

Ironically, the most romantic and important step you take as a couple — your wedding — can also put your relationship to the test. Many couples will be so stressed out and pressured by the demands of planning the ceremony and reception that they’ll either a) fight or b) have no time to be alone together.

First of all, it’s normal, especially as the date of the wedding approaches. You’re a little worn thin from all the planning, getting anxious about the major life changes that lie ahead, and are possibly having to deal with family members getting involved, and quite honestly, getting annoying. Here are some ways to keep your cool, or reviving those flames of passion that moved you to get engaged in the first place.

1. At least two hours a week, have a conversation or date that doesn’t revolve around the wedding. Watch a movie, play a sport, go to a flea market…anything that will take both your minds off the Big Day. The first person who slips and mentions the wedding has to pay for the date. (Or you can think of a naughtier punishment, wink wink.)

2. Conversely, spend at least an hour a week planning the wedding together. Tally the expenses, compare it against the budget, go through your wedding worksheets to find out what you still need to do. While there’s usually one person who takes the lead in the wedding plans (usually the bride), you still need to keep each other in the loop. This lets you take into account his preferences, and also avoids any resentment that may build because he isn’t “sharing” the responsibility.

3. If you are annoyed with one of his friends or family members, tell him how you feel, but let him deal with it. (Same thing applies if he’s annoyed at yours.) And if he doesn’t want to deal with it, get angry at him, not his crazy aunt/mother/best friend. It is not yet your place to confront these people, and even if it were, they’d be more likely to listen to him than to you.

4. While you should be honest each other whenever you’re angry or upset, never turn your grievances into a war of “my family vs your family”. Keep discussions focused on the specific, concrete problem at hand. For example, if his mother’s driving you nuts because of the way she keeps adding to the guest list, don’t start a fight about how she has no respect for your needs, or your right to invite only the people you like. Instead, take it as is — a need to control the size, and costs, of the reception — and leave the emotions at the door.

5. Watch your stress levels. When you notice that you are getting crankier and moodier, or you’re having trouble sleeping at night, it’s a sign you need to relax. Sign up for one of those bridal facials and spa treatments: they’ll relax you, take your mind off things, while simultaneously preparing you for the Big Day.

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